She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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