"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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