He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
