I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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