glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
