We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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