based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
