You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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