I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
