I can text with my tongue
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
