Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
