How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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