Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
