it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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