No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
