What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
