After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
