My sheets look like a crime scene.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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