Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
