On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
