i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
