Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
