its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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