U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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