Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
