Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
