I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
