Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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