I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
