Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
