so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
