I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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