when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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