i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Who died my cat blue again?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
try to milk me bitch
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