its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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