Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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