Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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