you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
