dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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