i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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