i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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