I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
