If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
