I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
