I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
