When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
