there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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