"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm having to shit out rocks
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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