Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Panties = found
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
