She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
