Life is so much better after having sex.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
