the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
