She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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