mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
