there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
