My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
